Great Satan, Inc.

Here’s a juicy post-Health Insurance Company Jackpot bill law (aka Health Care Reform) quote:

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. – P.J. O’Rourke

Judging by the pants-wetting fear expressed today, these legislators forgot to pay protection money to the Chicago “friends” they were sucking up to.

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I found a list of crazy Arizona laws today.  As I tried to verify the existence of these mythical laws, I came across numerous laws that I had been blissfully ignorant about. As a public service to my visitors, I’ll pass along these pearls of legislation, so you don’t end up in jail like Mongo.

Dueling
Dueling in Arizona is an absolute no-no. You might think it was already illegal to have a duel in the street, but Arizona Revised Statute (ARS) 26-114 makes it a crime to promote a duel, be concerned in, connive to have, or even have knowledge of the pending gunfight without notifying “the proper authority”.  A violation of this law is punished as determined by court martial.

Tripping Horses
If you come to visit Arizona, make sure you don’t trip a horse, pony, mule, donkey or hinny. If you do, you could be facing a class 1 misdemeanor under ARS 13-2910-09.

Slaughtering Horses for Food
Arizona’s gastronomical diversity apparently has a wide range. ARS 3-2122 makes it illegal to slaughter horses for public consumption without first obtaining a license. This law also requires that the contact information and purchase data for each buyer of Trigger meat is retained for at least one year.

Gathering Cattle for Tournament or Contest
ARS 3-1301 makes it a Class 2 misdemeanor to use other people’s cattle for amusement or contest, if it’s done without their written permission. How’s a suburbanite going win a state fair ribbon if he can’t appropriate someone’s limosin?  Organized cow tipping is probably out of the question.

Toy Guns
ARS 13-3109 makes it a class 6 felony to give a child a toy pistol, if that toy pistol might discharge “dangerous and explosive substances”. This could probably be twisted to cover cap guns (explosive), Nerf guns, and spud guns. After all, you could put an eye out with that thing.

I’ll post more of these laws as I come across them.  If you hear about someone being arrested for giving a kid a toy gun and having duel with him or her, while eating a horse burger and riding a stolen prize winning Brahma bull, it wasn’t me.  Mongo did it.

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President Obama landed in Saudia Arabia yesterday to kick off his Rock the Casbah Middle East Tour 2009. His first show of the tour happened at Saudi King Abdullah’s ranch in al-Janadriya, just outside Riyadh. King Abdullah, in an act of stately hospitality and generousity, gave President Obama the ultimate bling, the King Abdul Aziz Order of Merit. During the presentation, you could hear the distant wailing of a mad Brit Prime Minister trying to get a US coded DVD to play at 10 Downing Street.

Obama Gets His Bling - Image courtesy of AFP, I owe you escargot next time I see you.

President Obama and King Abdullah - Image courtesy of AFP, thanks guys!

The whole scene reminded me of a music skit from the Comedy Central show, Mind of Mencia. Something about rich Arabs and heavy gold rope chains rang a bell. How about that! The video just happens to be right here. Don’t watch it if you are easily offended, hate rap music spoofs, hate cultural insensitivity, don’t like midgets, or are a member of Greenpeace.

Who says we impose our values on other countries?

In a demonstration of Republican party responsiveness to Meghan McCain‘s expert political advice, even before she became a Republican, former President George Bush got his bling on in Riyadh back in 2008.

President Bush gets his bling on - Photo courtesy of AP

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This is a funny 60 minutes spoof of a “No Child Left Behind” PSA by a rapper named “Phat Man”. The video clip is from David Alan Grier’s “Chocolate News” show.

Warning – this video contains salty bleeped language and MTV style hip hop video content.

Why do they hate us?

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